I wish I could….

Published October 22, 2011 by Charlotte

Since I was in grade school I have wanted to be a writer.  Oh there’s a long list of “I want to be a ____ when I grow up” but I’ve had a love of words for a very long time.  I still even write letters (hand written) and mail them (via USPS) to 2 long time friends of mine.  2 doesn’t sound like many but ask around to how many of your friends still write letters in this age of iPads & text msg’ing. 

I lay in bed sometimes and think of ideas for books.  But I quickly shoot them down as to boring, to norm, to something.  I am my own worst enemy.  I have thought about taking courses to teach me how to compose a book but I toss that idea out. Convincing myself no one would want to read any rubbish I write.  I mean there’s only 1 or 2 people who ever read my blogs.  If I can’t get a small blog to be interesting how the hell will I get a whole book to? 

The problem with my current employment sitch is that it stifles me.  I am just another person tolling away for the man… living life the way others think I should.  But I am a creative person.  I daydream & think too much & plan, plan, never follow thru.  (ADD much?!)  I have great ideas and can even think outside the box usually.   But turning this into a job opportunity has escaped me for 20+ years.  I’m not much of an artist.  I can barely draw or paint and I play no musical instruments.  I say I can sing but in truth I don’t think I’m good.  I use to write poetry… sometimes I’m inspired to still write it (rarely)… but usually I just let my creative side fizzle and die.

People say follow your dreams.  I dont know what my dreams are. 

I really REALLY have to stop this travesty.  

I wish I could….

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