Last night I dreamed that I was back in the house that I grew up in. 2 bedroom, 1 bath, kitchen, living room. Big wood burning stove in between our (the girl’s) bedroom & the kitchen. Carport. Brick. Big yard. We lived pretty far into the country and we never had problems playing outside except during the hottest of NC Summers. And even then we’d sneak off to the woods beyond the corn fields behind our house and play in the small creek. Yes, actually there were bears, wild dogs, and even bobcats in the woods. We never gave it a thought. Seen the occasional snake. Found a huge pot field (which my Step Dad cut down and burnt up) with my Step Brother. Got chased by a bull/cow (not sure which) and my body damn near outran my legs. I was laughing and about to pee my pants the whole way down that big ass hill. hahaha!!!
Anyway let me get back on track. Also, let me preface this by saying that I believe I dreamed this possibly in more than one dream during the 4 times my snooze went off this morning.
So i dreamed I was back in the house I grew up in and had decided to cook some fried chicken. So I put the fried chicken on to cook and went to lay down. (hence speculation of when the dreams took place.) When I woke up I came out of our old bedroom and our Mom had turned off the deep fryer and took the black skillet off the stove and turned it off. Well. I went ballistic. It went something like this.
Me to Mom: I am 40 goddamn years old and you need to start treating me that fucking way. Did she think I was fucking stupid? I am 40 fucking years old and know how to cook goddamn fried chicken.
Mom to Me (softly): Well you went to lay down and I was worried you’d forget.
Me to Mom: I’m not sure what I said at this point but I’m sure it was more vulgarity.
The reason I don’t remember what I said is mostly because I started worrying about my StepFather hearing what I had just said and getting angry. (He was very abusive in every manner.) So I start looking around for him. I’m standing in the kitchen facing into the living room. I can see the whole living room & our Parents bedroom and I’m about 5 feet or so from the wood burning stove. (Not sure why placement seems important). Then I begin to think “You know what… fuck him. I’m fucking 40 years old and fuck him.” (I spent from age 4/5 to age 17 being scared to death of this man.) So I was a little scared but alot pissed off. Just then my Step Brother walks by. He went by very fast and I didnt see his face… I just ‘knew’ it was Darren. (He wasn’t in our lives for very long or very often.) I also ‘knew’ my Sister Karren was in the kitchen with me. We were all grown adults and not the age we would’ve been when Darren came to live with us.
What I really wonder is. Was this about my Mom at all? I don’t feel that way towards her. If anything my Mom is a bit biased towards my looks/smarts. Lol. (As Mom’s should be right. hahaha!!) Was this about frying chicken in our old kitchen? And why did I keep saying how old I was/am? And why was I so mad? I like to curse but I have rarely dropped GD in my lifetime let alone 20 times in a conversation with my MOM! I mean I was RAGING!! I haven’t seen that part of myself in some years. I always try to interpret my dreams because rarely do I dream and remember it… when I do I always feel like my brain is trying to tell me something. Not like “God’s speaking to me” type thing… more of just my subconscious working shit out while I sleep.
My Sister said “Maybe you were hungry and just really wanted some fried chicken.” Lol. Yeah… I’mma go with that!